THE WAIFU WARZ: A TALE IN TWELVE CHAPTERS
by SuperKirbyFan69
Summary: America is an irradiated wasteland. Within it lies a city. Outside the city walls lies a desert, the cursed earth. Inside the walls... a cursed city. Stretching from Boston to Washington DC. An unbroken, conquered landscape. 800-million people living in the ruin of the old world and the mega structures of the new one. It is a period of civil war. And thus begins... THE WAIFU WARZ.


**CHAPTER 1: WAIFU WARZ BEGINS**  
[1:02:15 AM] Cameron Frye: who's your waifu  
[1:03:19 AM] Cameron Frye: who would you wife  
[1:03:29 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: meowth  
[1:03:35 AM] Cameron Frye: mmmmmeowth  
[1:04:01 AM] Cameron Frye: post your waifus  
[1:04:09 AM] Cameron Frye: under this line  
_

**CHAPTER 2: WAIFU OR HUSBANDO?**  
husbando  
[1:04:33 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: husbaindo

**CHAPTER 3: A NEW WAIFU**  
[1:04:48 AM] The Clerk: Jasmine  
[1:04:50 AM] Jinx: Akise Aru  
[1:04:55 AM] The Clerk: she likes steelix  
[1:05:14 AM] The Clerk: Aigis  
[1:05:28 AM] The Clerk: I like robot girls

**CHAPTER 4: THE WAIFU RELIGIOUS**  
[1:05:33 AM] Cameron Frye: I like jewish girls  
[1:05:43 AM] Jinx: I like guys  
[1:05:47 AM] Jinx: Usually  
[1:06:14 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: I like presbytarian baptist girls  
[1:06:25 AM] Cameron Frye: god loves mormons  
[1:06:36 AM] Cameron Frye: I like ice cream  
[1:06:51 AM] The Clerk: Aigis is my waifu  
[1:06:56 AM] The Clerk: she likes me  
[1:06:59 AM] The Clerk: im 12  
[1:07:13 AM] Jinx: . /-O-fcZkbyZMI/T1juWdkioiI/AAAAAAAAAZI/_  
[1:07:17 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: GLaDOS is my waifu  
[1:07:19 AM] Cameron Frye: xpert_nvy is my waifu  
[1:07:48 AM] Cameron Frye: waifu alert  
[1:07:55 AM] The Clerk: Yukari Takeba is my waifu  
[1:08:34 AM] Cameron Frye: jean grey is my waifu  
[1:08:41 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: irishpunx is my waifu cause hes prety much creativ master of supersmash brothers brawl and he watches a lot of tv and hes cool

**CHAPTER 5: CAMERON'S DESCENT**  
[1:09:09 AM] Cameron Frye: gwen stacy's neck is my waifu  
[1:09:25 AM] Jinx: You're horrible Cam.  
[1:09:37 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: Jay Leno's chin is my waifu  
[1:09:45 AM] The Clerk: user/dakotawolf100  
[1:10:39 AM] Cameron Frye: dr. ryoota kawash kawahs kaw um the brain age man's head is my waifu

**CHAPTER 5 1/3: GENESIS OF THE WAIFU**  
[1:10:46 AM] The Clerk: Hera is my waifu  
[1:10:56 AM] Cameron Frye: Moses is my waifu  
[1:11:01 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: Satan is my waifu  
[1:11:24 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: the water jesus turned into wine is my waifu  
[1:11:28 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: god is my waifu  
[1:11:28 AM] The Clerk: God is my waifu  
[1:11:33 AM] Cameron Frye: Adam and Eve is my waifu  
[1:11:40 AM] Jinx: Aaaand then Finn ruined it  
[1:11:50 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: their leaves are my waifu  
[1:11:54 AM] Cameron Frye: my waifu, yoda is

**CHAPTER 5 2/3: THE WAIFUS AND THE WEEABOOS**  
[1:12:04 AM] Jinx: Jinx (from the teen titans tv show not the comics) is my waifu  
[1:12:19 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: the buddha is my waifu  
[1:12:26 AM] The Clerk: Tenn Titans is my waifu  
[1:12:31 AM] Cameron Frye: ben ten is my waifu  
[1:12:40 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: jack the ripper is my waifu  
[1:12:46 AM] Cameron Frye: kevin eleven is my waifu  
[1:12:47 AM] The Clerk: Gwen Tennison is my waifu  
[1:13:00 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: uncle ben is my waifu  
[1:13:18 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: fourarms is my waifu  
[1:13:24 AM] The Clerk: Frankie is my waifu  
[1:13:34 AM] Cameron Frye: bloo is my waifu  
[1:13:40 AM] Jinx: mac is my waifu  
[1:13:46 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: luffy is my waifu  
[1:13:57 AM] Cameron Frye: cheese is not my waifu he's fucking retarded and annoying why do people like him so much

**CHAPTER 5 4/3: WAIFUS IN THE WHITE HOUSE**  
[1:13:59 AM] The Clerk: Obama is my waifu  
[1:14:05 AM] Cameron Frye: gobama  
[1:14:11 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: joe biden is my waifu  
[1:14:22 AM] Cameron Frye: nixon is my waifu  
[1:14:29 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: canadian maple syrup is my waifu  
[1:14:41 AM] Cameron Frye: canadians in general is my waifu  
[1:14:57 AM] Jinx: Japanese in general is my waifu  
[1:15:09 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: edward elric is my waifu  
[1:15:14 AM] Cameron Frye: kevin smith is my waifu  
[1:15:19 AM] Jinx: Eren is my waifu  
[1:15:25 AM] The Clerk: The girl I made is my waifu  
[1:15:31 AM] Jinx: ^Win

**CHAPTER 6: WIFING ZOOEY**  
[1:15:32 AM] Cameron Frye: new girl is my waifu  
[1:15:40 AM | Removed 1:15:53 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: This message has been removed.  
[1:15:41 AM | Removed 1:15:58 AM] Jinx: Zooey Deshanel is my waifu  
[1:15:45 AM] Cameron Frye: slowbeef is my waifu  
[1:16:05 AM] Cameron Frye: zooey deschanel is MY waifu

**CHAPTER 7: THE PASSION OF THE WAIFU**  
[1:16:06 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: an avocado is my waifu  
[1:16:26 AM | Edited 1:16:35 AM] Jinx: An apple is my waifu  
[1:16:26 AM] Cameron Frye: curious george is my waifu  
[1:16:43 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: the man with the yellow hat is my waifu  
[1:16:46 AM] The Clerk: zack and cody is my waifu  
[1:16:58 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: cody and zack is my waifu  
[1:17:03 AM] Cameron Frye: london tipton is my waifu  
[1:17:13 AM] Jinx: that fanfic you wrote about zack and cody is my waifu  
[1:17:18 AM] Cameron Frye: the fat guy from suite life on deck is my waifu  
[1:17:21 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: gargamel is my waifu  
[1:17:25 AM] Jinx: No  
[1:17:28 AM] Cameron Frye: NPH is my waifu  
[1:17:33 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: not you  
[1:17:36 AM] Cameron Frye: buster bluth is my waifu  
[1:17:45 AM] The Clerk: Heavy Rain is my waifu  
[1:17:48 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: james bluth is my waifu  
[1:17:50 AM] Jinx: Mordekaiser is my waifu  
[1:17:51 AM] Cameron Frye: JASON is my waifu  
[1:18:05 AM] Jinx: Taric the gem knight is my waifu  
[1:18:07 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: michael myers is my waifu  
[1:18:11 AM] The Clerk: Aigis is my waifu  
[1:18:18 AM] Jinx: freddy kruger is my waifu  
[1:18:21 AM] Cameron Frye: the clerk is my waifu  
[1:18:21 AM] The Clerk: my waifu is better than yours  
[1:18:22 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: shrek is my waifu  
[1:18:35 AM] Jinx: fiona is my waifu

**CHAPTER 8: THE WAIFU STRIKES BACK**  
[1:18:37 AM] Cameron Frye: PERFECT WAIFU HUNT GO  
[1:18:37 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: dont you wish your waifu was HOT like me  
[1:18:44 AM] The Clerk: "My waifu is better than yours" crap is the reason the other video exists  
[1:18:55 AM] Jinx: Yuno gasai is my waifu  
[1:19:02 AM] Cameron Frye: juno from the movie juno is my waifu  
[1:19:20 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: my waifus bring all the boys to the yard and theyre like it's better than yours  
[1:19:22 AM] Cameron Frye: shadowofchaos725 is my waifu  
[1:19:26 AM] Jinx: Garrus Vakarian is my waifu  
[1:19:35 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: manthor is my waifu  
[1:19:53 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: odin's torn out eye is my waifu  
[1:20:03 AM] Cameron Frye: wolverine is the best there is at what he does, and what he does is be my waifu

**CHAPTER 8 STILL: THE SHOCKING REALIZATION**  
[1:20:05 AM] Jinx: I love how we're up at 1 am discussing our waifus  
[1:20:07 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: kirk buschman is my waifu  
[1:20:11 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: yep  
[1:20:14 AM] Cameron Frye: 1 am discussion is my waifu  
[1:20:29 AM] Jinx: Deadpool is my waifu  
[1:20:41 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: waifu is my waifu  
[1:20:43 AM] Cameron Frye: joe kelly is my waifu  
[1:20:52 AM] Cameron Frye: eric cartman is my waifu  
[1:20:54 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: R kelly is my wiafu  
[1:21:05 AM] Jinx: every awesome character in existance is my waifu  
[1:21:05 AM] Cameron Frye: my waifu is trapped in the closet  
[1:21:19 AM] The Clerk: watch?v=M15y0HCEpdI&list=PLx9ijRlws3qZN1QGra1qCUtrWO8Hv60nu  
[1:21:19 AM] Jinx: My waifu is trapped in my basement  
[1:21:36 AM] Cameron Frye: I've got waifu in my basement!  
[1:21:40 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: my waifu is a hunk of sirloin

**CHAPTER 8 8/8: ACCEPTING THE WAIFU IN ALL OF US**  
[1:21:45 AM] Cameron Frye: is the plural of waifu waifu  
[1:21:52 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: waifi  
[1:22:08 AM] Cameron Frye: my waifu is the best waifu  
[1:22:18 AM] Cameron Frye: waifu ready go

**CHAPTER 9: THE WAIFU IN MY CLOSET**  
[1:22:22 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: tom cruises left elbow is my waifu  
[1:22:33 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: red waifu standing by  
[1:22:54 AM] Cameron Frye: top gun's gay subtext is my waifu  
[1:23:02 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: red lobster standing by  
[1:23:10 AM] The Clerk: You guys are double combo'ing me. Cut me some slack. xD  
[1:23:11 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: red robin yumming by  
[1:23:15 AM] Cameron Frye: xD is my waifu  
[1:23:26 AM] Jinx: :3 is my waifu  
[1:23:29 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: red bull standing by  
[1:23:42 AM] Jinx: 5 hour energy is my waifu  
[1:23:44 AM] Cameron Frye: NO  
[1:23:44 AM] Cameron Frye: NO  
[1:23:50 AM] Cameron Frye: red bull energizing by  
[1:24:26 AM] The Clerk: watch?v=iyIi0IQYCxY&list=PLx9ijRlws3qZN1QGra1qCUtrWO8Hv60nu  
[1:25:00 AM] Cameron Frye: all the girls at school is my waifu  
[1:25:09 AM] Cameron Frye: all the boys at school is my waifu

**CHAPTER 10 PRELUDE: THE FORGOTTEN WAIFU**  
[1:25:12 AM] The Clerk: 「いいえ。違います。」 (Iie. Chigaimasu.)  
"No. It's not like that at all."

Her tone of voice. It sounded like... back then. Almost... happy.

「好きです。大好きです。それが変わりません・・・今でも。」 (Suki desu. Daisuki desu. Sore ga kawarimasen...ima demo.)  
"I love you. That won't ever change... even now."

「レイさんに出会えてよかった。」 (Rey-san ni deaeteyokatta.)  
"Rey...I am glad to have met you."

She smilied. Even after everything, she still smiled at me. Her tear-filled face with that smile...

「ククククククク・・・面白い。その光がまだ消えていない？ならば・・・死ねえええ！」 (kukukukukukuku...omoshiroi. Sono hikari ga mada kieteinai? Naraba...SHINEEEEEEEE!)  
"Gwuhahahahahaha... interesting. Your light still has not been extinguished? Very well...DIIIIIIIEEEEE!"

The dragon let out a loud roar. And went straight for her.

「オリヴィエーーーーーっ！！！！」  
"Oliviaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

I screamed with all my might. And yet I knew no one could hear me. A consciousness screaming? What does that do?

But I didn't care. I wanted to reach her. I wanted to save her.  
[1:25:15 AM] Cameron Frye: is my waifu

**CHAPTER 9 1/1/1: JINX VS CAMERON**  
[1:25:27 AM] Jinx: Everyone at school is your waifu?  
[1:25:31 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: this text clip is my wiagu  
[1:25:33 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: waifu  
[1:25:38 AM] Cameron Frye: your wiagu is my waifu  
[1:25:45 AM] Jinx: Finn is your waifu?  
[1:25:52 AM] Cameron Frye: no  
[1:25:56 AM] Cameron Frye: they are collectively my waifu  
[1:26:38 AM | Removed 1:27:08 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: This message has been removed.  
[1:26:54 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: pink inferno is my waifu  
[1:27:11 AM] Jinx: dante is my waifu  
[1:27:13 AM] Cameron Frye: parker allen is my waifu  
[1:27:24 AM] Cameron Frye: dante from the reboot is my waifu  
[1:27:40 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: dante from dantes inferno is my waifu

**CHAPTER 9 1/2: A WAIFU MOST MUSICAL**  
[1:27:42 AM] The Clerk: get satisfaction from my waifu  
[1:27:49 AM] Cameron Frye: the rolling stones is my waifu  
[1:27:53 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: red robin is my waifu  
[1:28:01 AM] Cameron Frye: queen is my waifu  
[1:28:02 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: the guy from old spice is my waifu  
[1:28:05 AM] Jinx: There for tomorrow is my waifu  
[1:28:10 AM] The Clerk: skrillex is my waifu  
[1:28:16 AM | Edited 1:28:26 AM] Cameron Frye: dubstep is my wubwubwaifu  
[1:28:18 AM] Jinx: Pierce the veil is my waifu  
[1:28:18 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: red hot chili peppers is my waifu  
[1:28:28 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: foo fighters is my waifu  
[1:28:46 AM] Cameron Frye: red hot chili peppers is my red hot waifu  
[1:28:59 AM] Cameron Frye: iPhone 5C is my waifu  
[1:29:02 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: brukhard niederhoff is my waifu

**CHAPTER 10: THE DEATH AND RETURN OF PABLO FROM BACKYARDIGANS**  
[1:29:07 AM] Cameron Frye: DEATH BY WAIFU  
[1:29:08 AM] The Clerk: jontron is my waifu  
[1:30:18 AM] Cameron Frye: egoraptor is my waifu  
[1:30:21 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: R.I.P Pablo from Backyardigans  
[1:30:26 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: killed by waifu  
[1:30:28 AM] The Clerk: my waifu  
[1:30:29 AM] Cameron Frye: eagleraptor is my waifu  
[1:30:33 AM] Cameron Frye: may he R.I.T  
[1:30:38 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: your waifu is my waifu  
[1:30:47 AM] Cameron Frye: enthusiasm is my waifu  
[1:30:48 AM] The Clerk: nfvkfjrtnfgifmbgjg is mdyer waifu  
[1:30:50 AM] Jinx: my waifu is dead  
[1:30:50 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: enthusiastic typing is my waifu  
[1:31:03 AM] Cameron Frye: jack black is my waifu  
[1:31:13 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: the white stripes i my waifu  
[1:31:21 AM] The Clerk: watch?v=LgmAEX4oVys  
[1:31:29 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: finn's nose is my waifu  
[1:31:34 AM] Cameron Frye: ^^ my waifu

**CHAPTER 11: WIFE IT! WIFE IT GOOD!**  
[1:31:59 AM] Cameron Frye: devo is my waifu  
[1:32:14 AM] Cameron Frye: Q: are we not men?  
A: we are waifu  
[1:32:32 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: ARE YOU A MAN? OR A WAIFU?  
[1:32:41 AM] Cameron Frye: I'm a waifu of a man  
[1:32:56 AM] Cameron Frye: crazy little thing called waifu  
[1:33:01 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: fat bottom waifus make the rocking world go round  
[1:33:09 AM] Cameron Frye: somebody to wife  
[1:33:30 AM] Cameron Frye: haven't got a waifu by the flaming lips  
[1:33:32 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: weeeeee are the waifus my frieeeeend  
[1:33:34 AM] Jinx: My concern for your mental health is my waifu  
[1:33:36 AM] The Clerk: I want somebody to waifu  
[1:33:44 AM] Cameron Frye: the book of mormon is my waifu  
[1:33:58 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: winnie the pooh is my waifu  
[1:34:03 AM] The Clerk: my history test is my waifu  
[1:34:12 AM] Cameron Frye: I have a waifu next class  
[1:34:18 AM | Removed 1:34:27 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: This message has been removed.  
[1:34:28 AM] Cameron Frye: my cosmic autumn waifu  
[1:34:34 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: comicon is my waifu  
[1:34:46 AM] Cameron Frye: louis ck is my waifu  
[1:34:53 AM] The Clerk: fadora wearing neckbeards is my waifu  
[1:34:58 AM] Cameron Frye: jews is my waifu  
[1:34:59 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: finn's profile picture is my waifu  
[1:35:06 AM] Cameron Frye: george costanza is my waifu  
[1:35:21 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: kramer is my waifu  
[1:35:22 AM] Cameron Frye: kramer bombing at the laugh factory is my waifu  
[1:35:29 AM | Edited 1:35:34 AM] Jinx: This needs to end... is my waifu  
[1:35:33 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: sheldon cooper is my waifu  
[1:35:42 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: this needing to end is my waifu

**CHAPTER 12: RETURN OF THE WAIFU**  
[1:35:42 AM] Cameron Frye: WITH GREAT WAIFUS COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY  
[1:36:00 AM] Cameron Frye: the end  
[1:36:09 AM | Edited 1:36:10 AM] Jinx: We are done here  
[1:36:50 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: one more  
[1:36:54 AM] Jinx: NO  
[1:37:00 AM] Pablo from Backyardigans: hanging up and going to bed is my waifu  
[1:37:28 AM] The CLerk: aigis is my waifu  
[1:37:34 AM] Jinx: Cam, Finn, are you two going to bed?  
[1:37:39 AM] *** Call ended, duration 4:11:16 ***  
[1:37:49 AM] Cameron Frye: yes why  
[1:38:19 AM] Jinx: Oh nvm I got confused xD  
[1:28:00 PM] john: wut is dis  
[4:13:54 PM] Judge Dredd: /  
[4:13:57 PM] Judge Dredd: ?

twist ending: finn is my real waifu


End file.
